Where does the time go?

It seems to me as I travel through my life that there is never enough time to do all the things that you should. I've been spending the passed couple of years in and out of good health. It seems that I've had my fair share of bad health. After having the twins I experience terrible gall bladder attacks. They were completely debilitating. I found myself lying on the floor wishing I were dead. Nothing had prepared me for the kind of pain that I experienced, not even having a c-section and carrying twins almost to term. I relied on GOd rather than go through surgery and it paid off. I no longer have any problems of the sort. As most people know, I stay at home to take care of my two beautiful toddlers. While this is rewarding is many ways; it never seems to be enough. I'm always driven to do more accomplish more and be more than just a Mother and Wife. God has placed so many talents and desires within me that I often have no idea where to start. My heart yearns so much to do artistic and creative arts ministries. I could spend my life creating beautiful photographs, paintings, poetry.... well, you get the idea. It also seems that I love to use my body in worship. I love physical expression in many ways. I enjoy exercise immensly and often find strength training to be very relaxing. So, busy is not the word for what I am, a time multiplier, perhaps. It's been very difficult to balance my children, my God, my Husband, my life as an Interior Decorator, and my Passion for the Arts. In the back of my mind I've always had a nagging that there would be one more child, even if I never admitted it for myself. My Mother's ring even has three stones. The center stone contains my Husband's birthstone almost like a place holder. Yes, a feeling that there would be another has haunted me from time to time. I pushed it to the side and refused to believe the truth. It was so difficult to do all the things in my life, and I felt that I was overstretched and overworked.

It wasn't until more recently that I discovered I had another little health problem that was rearing it's ugly head. Hypothyroidism, which makes you feel overwhelmed and incapable of handling basic situations had set in with a vengeance. I addressed it quickly and with much prayer I quickly returned to normal. It seemed that if God could use me to do all that he had, when I could barely concentrate and hold my head up...... maybe, just maybe, another baby wouldn't be so bad, after all. Soooo...... now I discover that the third child is on it's way. It took everyone by surprise when we discovered the pregnancy. Several people actually thought we were joking. That it was a lie, and wasn't possible. It was a miracle for me to get pregnant with the twins, and now we have a little surprise? Yes, everyone was shocked to say the least. And while everyone is in dismay, but completely excited....... I honestly, don't know how to feel at times. Yes, I'm happy, and I'm looking forward to another Baby. I feel selfish wondering how in the world there will ever be enough time to focus all of the attention my children will need on them. The idea of website upkeep is also daunting when it is already suffering and my dreams of fulfillment through artistic ministries seems impossible. Yet, I know, deep down inside, that God knows what he is doing. He loves me, knows my heart and my desires. He placed them there after all. He also knows that in secret, I want another little one. There is so much joy in holding an innocent little bundle, in seeing their first smile, first steps, first words, and yes, finally the first hugs. Beautiful moments cannot be forgotton. I'm looking forward to precious moments and cuddles, kisses and bedtime stories. Then when the baby gets old enough all of us will run through the yard screaming, use up all of my Husbands shaving cream in a science experiment and cover the kitchen floor with whipped cream just for the fun of it. Many parents can be pretty uptight, but I have to say that any mess you create will eventually be cleaned up. It's fun to dive right into your child's world and create room size tents, dance like idiots, and play in shaving cream. After all, it's the fun moments that count, right? Sometimes, I may not be the best at teaching them everything they need to know, but I do my best and we have fun along the way. As far as the arts go..... well, again, God knows what he's doing. I don't think he wants to eat up my time with just one thing. He expects us to follow the dreams and passions he's placed within us. It occurred to me that, maybe, just maybe, I should "get a life". So, yes, I'll still do everything I'm doing now, and maybe a little more. The thing that needs to change is simply this. Put aside time for specific tasks and hobbies and stick to it. A webpage only needs updated once a week, after all. And there is only so much you can do every day with the arts. It all takes time and while it is most certainly daunting, I will perservere. God knows my heart, and he won't let me down. Someday, when the time is right I will succeed. Until then, I need to enjoy my life. This is the time for silly songs, playing dress up, making messes, and playing make believe. Why lose that? It only lasts for a short time, but the memories of my precious little ones will last forever.