Now I'm getting a little Antsy

Okay, let's get rid of some of the sugar coating, shall we....

I have a knack, a real knack for going through peoples lives at about the same speed that some men change underwear. How can people suck you dry and milk all the inspiration from you and then leave in your greatest time of need. I have news for them. GOD DOES NOT TELL YOU TO ABANDON YOUR FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So if there is anyone out there who has done this to anyone, maybe you should take a closer look. A lot of my time has been wasted wondering why people walk away from me. Yes, sometimes, I have made mistakes, but when my friends make mistakes I don't completely forget about them. I still think about them even though they have no interest in speaking to me. How can you convince yourself that God tells you to leave your friends and forget about them, leaving them with noone to talk to and noone to hear what they have to say. It is unrealistic.

Therefore, I have difficulty believing in friendship anymore. These kinds of things have happened to me a lot. I now have a problem with forgiveness. I've done my part and gone to those who have hurt me and told them how I feel, the burden is off of my hands, but feeling of ill will have not subsided in over a year. I'm a bit tortured and it's driving me up the wall. It some ways I'm still in the same place I used to be, still feeling some of the same things.

So, if you are a fair weather friend, remember this blog, and care about someone other than yourself. If you are a Christian, please pray for me, my heart has been broken many times, and I long and pray for healing but it never seems to come. It kinda makes it difficult to serve the Lord when his servants harm and suck the life out of eachother. That is not true christianity, it is not how we are meant to be.

Whirlwinds of change

It seems as though the more I have to say, the less I speak. I have some braggin rights here lately, but I'm not so sure that I should mention them all. I'm really having a hard time opening up because it feels like I'm going to turn someone away or upset somebody who doesn't quite get where I'm coming from.

I'm working on getting together with what I used to be like and somehow fitting it into who I have become. In the past couple of years I have changed exponentially. I don't talk to God as much as I used to, or atleast not in the same ways. My nerves feel like they are completely shattered sometimes. I guess that would have to do with the fact that now, I am the Mother of six. The teenagers, really get to me sometimes. It's hard for me to be a parent to them sometimes because they are not that much younger than me. In a lot of ways I envy them, I wish I could be starting all over again, with the knowledge I have gained at only 28 years old. I still find myself talking to them like an old woman trying to warn them, trying to help them. Of course, they don't really listen.

Now, our oldest is 17 and is pregnant and we're planning her wedding. Of course, my baby is only two years old now, and I get the pleasure of becoming a Grandmother. This is not always easy to deal with, but I still manage to keep going. I enjoy the prospects and try to be a good Mother and a friend to her. Sometimes it's hard to lay down rules.

On a much more upbeat end, I have God to thank that finally some of my artistic abilities are getting noticed. I will be having my own Gallery Exhibit in January with my photography and possibly a second one later on in the year. I'm very excited and scared all at the same time.

Anyways, I don't know what else to say for now, so I guess I'll be going, God Bless You ALL